smilebackwards: john with left yellow stripe (Default)
smilebackwards ([personal profile] smilebackwards) wrote2025-12-04 05:40 pm
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Fic Rec Ask Game

Today for [community profile] rec_cember I am bringing back a fic rec ask game I made this summer! Would also love to see people post to their own journals and give their own recs if so inclined :)

Comment with a number and I will give you a fic rec.

1. Recommend a fic that lives in your brain rent free.
2. Recommend a fic that is not posted on AO3.
3. Recommend fic that is less than 5,000 words.
4. Recommend a fic that is over 50,000 words.
5. Recommend a gen fic (no pairings).
6. Recommend a fic that does something cool with format or structure (epistolary, social media, 5 things, non-linear, etc.)
7. Recommend a fic that uses a trope you love.
8. Recommend a fic with an interesting premise/concept.
9. Recommend a fic from a book fandom.
10. Recommend a fic that is more than 10 years old.
11. Recommend a fic you think is a hidden gem/deserves more reads.
12. Recommend a fic that formed or changed your opinion on something (characterization, backstory, relationship, etc.)
13. Recommend a fic you've re-read multiple times.
14. Recommend your favorite fic.
15. Recommend any fic of your choice.
badfalcon: (I Need A Hug)
Cassie Morgan ([personal profile] badfalcon) wrote2025-12-04 08:47 pm

(no subject)

 Had therapy today and genuinely spent the entire morning ping-ponging between my desk and the loo like some anxious Victorian ghost with an upset stomach. Cramps, nausea, everything. By the time the appointment actually rolled around I was so stressed I was pretty sure I was going to throw up.

And when I told my therapist all this, she just looked at me and said, “and yet you’re still here.”
Like. That anxious, that many physical symptoms, feeling that sick - and I still showed up. I still came to the appointment. Even though I hate being on video. Even though every fibre of my body was screaming nope-nope-nope.

She was genuinely proud of me. She said so many people don’t make it to therapy at all because the anxiety walls them off before they get there. And I just… cried. Because I was sitting there saying how much I hated all of this, how miserable and scary it feels, but also that I knew I could get past it again. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. Even when it feels impossible.

We talked a lot about how many “micro-tasks” actually make up a single win - and how fast the brain erases them. Like we say, “yeah, I went to work today,” but we don’t acknowledge the twenty-seven terrifying steps inside that.

Like:

  • waking up, feeling dread punch you in the stomach
  • choosing not to call in sick
  • untangling yourself from blankets that suddenly feel like the only safe place on earth
  • dragging yourself upright, grounding through dizziness
  • dealing with the whole stomach situation
  • brushing teeth with shaky hands
  • picking clothes (harder than astrophysics)
  • eating something, taking meds, checking the time
  • finding your keys/phone/badge like you’re completing a quest
  • putting on shoes (its own battle)
  • opening the front door even though anxiety wants you barricaded inside
  • locking up and then immediately worrying you didn’t lock up
  • getting to the car
  • sitting there thinking “I could just… not go”
  • starting the engine anyway
  • navigating traffic, roundabouts, other drivers, all while barely holding it together
  • parking, getting out, walking into the building
  • pretending to be a functional human despite your brain being a screeching smoke alarm

 And then you do your job. And you come home. And your brain still goes: “yeah, regular day.”

 When really you climbed a mountain before 9am.

So we talked through treatment options. Weighed up a wellbeing course vs one-to-one exposure therapy. In the end, we decided to start with a remote 6-week wellbeing course - 2 hours a week, each session covering a theme (anxiety, low mood, sleep, self-esteem, self-identity). She said - and I agree - that while anxiety & agoraphobia are the headline problem right now, I’m actually struggling with all of the things the course touches on. So hopefully it’ll lift the baseline a bit before we dive into exposure therapy.

 (Also, neither of us particularly wanted to start exposure therapy during Christmas. Sensible boundaries.)

 The only downside: the course doesn’t start until the end of January :/

So… now we wait. And I try to remember that even when my stomach is imploding and my brain is screaming and I feel like a raw nerve with legs — I’m still doing the thing. I’m still showing up. I’m still here.

badfalcon: (10)
Cassie Morgan ([personal profile] badfalcon) wrote2025-12-02 10:50 pm

✨glimmers and good things - December 2nd ✨

Some days really do kick off with the universe going, “Hey, what if the good knee just… didn’t?”
So yes, today began with me being unceremoniously dumped on my ass by the one joint I actually trusted. 0/10, would not recommend.
 
But I’m still trying to keep this little practice going - finding the glimmers even when the day starts with slapstick-level nonsense. So here’s today’s mix of small joys and soft comforts:
 
✨ Today's glimmers ✨
🎸 Oldschool Good Charlotte hit exactly right - I’ve had a little pop-punk nostalgia marathon and it actually made me smile. Turns out my brain still stores a whole archive of good tour memories and rolled them out like a highlight reel.
🧸 Spent the day bundled under my childhood comfort blanket - the soft, familiar kind of cosy that sinks straight into your bones.
🎮 My new gaming fleece duvet cover arrived - and it’s so soft and ridiculous and perfect. Maximum comfort unlocked.
 
Still here, still finding the bright little crumbs where I can. 💛
Here’s hoping tomorrow involves fewer surprise floor-kisses.
badfalcon: (Hello)
Cassie Morgan ([personal profile] badfalcon) wrote2025-12-01 11:21 pm

✨ Glimmers & Good Things - December 1st ✨

I'm getting back to posting these daily. I've missed the ritual - the way it nudges me to notice the tiny bright moments instead of letting the whole day blur together. today felt like a good place to begin again.

today’s glimmers:
📬 my work was noticed - the sheer amount of invoices I posted on Friday was recognised by the new manager, which felt… surprisingly nice.
📱 tech win - my shiny new tablet actually worked beautifully for studying on my lunch break.
📚 book mail!! - my lovely box of books from The Works arrived and instantly lifted my mood.

smilebackwards: john with left yellow stripe (Default)
smilebackwards ([personal profile] smilebackwards) wrote2025-12-01 05:27 pm
Entry tags:

Vid Recs!

It's time for [community profile] rec_cember and I am starting off with some vid recs!

Sometimes a vid is not just a great vid but also introduces you to a new favorite song that gets added to your repeat playlist and becomes forever inextricable from the vid. Or that happens to me at least. Here are 11 vids that did that to me.

Autoclave - Due South by blessyouwatson (paramountie). Most recent instance of this. (Comment on AO3!)

Sorrow - Captain America by Trelkez. I think this was my first introduction to The National and I love The National.

more under the cut! )
mific: (Default)
mific ([personal profile] mific) wrote2025-11-30 12:40 am
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Seasonal Cards

It's that time of year again! Mine are more like New Year cards as I'm slow to start making them.

If you're on my card list but your mailing address has changed, let me know - replies to this post are screened.

And if you're not on my seasonal cards list and would like to be, also drop me a reply below, with your preferred postal name and address. I send them all over the world, so no worries about that.

glinda: an autumnal woodland, pale blue sky visible between orange leaves (autumn leaves)
glinda ([personal profile] glinda) wrote2025-11-28 07:23 pm

Definitely More of an Autumn vibe

So, yes, I am in fact writing these out of order, but writing the last one made me think about this album and as it was also gig related I thought it was a natural companion piece to follow up with. So this album choice was a result of two different gigs. As noted previously I went to see the Scottish Ensemble and Anna Meredith doing their collaborative album Anno at the Barbican at the end of September, and then at the end of October I went to see the Scottish Ensemble here in the Inverness again. To my intense amusement, working with Anna Meredith again had clearly reminded the ensemble how much they enjoy playing her work, because the whole second half of the Inverness gig was pieces by Anna Meredith re-arranged for string ensemble. Mostly from her first electronic album Varmints - the lead violin noted with clear irony before they played Nautilus that that piece had been intended as a clear break from her previous orchestral work - and having experienced it as something akin to a transcendental experience - I virtually floated home afterwards - obviously I had to go and actually listen to the album in question.

I didn’t initially love this album, despite it being much more what I was expecting from Anna Meredith - before I encountered Anno I knew her mostly from her film scoring work - but as I’ve continued to listen to it across the last month, I’ve come to the conclusion that I like it more the further away from the gig I get. For example, I can now listen to Blackfriars and feel it’s glorious rhythms combine happily with my memories of my recent holiday in London, of standing outside Blackfriars station at rush hour, hearing bells and clocks striking all over the place, feeling the ebb and flow of traffic around me and the rumble of the tube below - I have a whole bunch of field recordings I made in and around that tube station - and think, yes, that part of London does indeed feel like that. I also feel like I’ve been able to fall in love with Nautilus and Scrimshaw all over again in their own right, without constantly comparing them negatively with their reimagined versions. (Honestly I want to hear Nautilus re-arranged for brass a la that Hannah Peel album I wrote about earlier this year.) I do think I need to go see Anna Meredith live in her own right next time she’s touring, because I think her work really lends itself to live performance, to variations on a theme and interacting with visuals and graphics, a proper multimedia experience. However, now that I’ve got enough distance from the gig, I can happily also enjoy it, lying on the sofa with low winter light and just the fairy lights on, through big headphones and let it transport me to other places.
melagan: (snowglobe)
melagan ([personal profile] melagan) wrote2025-11-28 12:25 pm

Holiday love meme!

I couldn't resist. I'm all for spreading more kindness around.

holiday love meme 2025
my thread here


(click on the banner and join in!)
mific: (Garden salad)
mific ([personal profile] mific) wrote2025-11-28 06:03 pm
Entry tags:

Late spring - lush garden

I was up early yesterday and it was lovely, so I decided to take some pics. It's all very lush as we've had a fair bit of rain, mixed with sunny days as hot as midsummer. I think it's going to be a hot one, this year. I tried to include slightly more panoramic shots this time to give you some idea of my small garden which is almost all in pots and wheelibeds, as my rented unit has largely concrete and asphalt around it. Click on each pic for full size.

pics under here )

glinda: a cup of coffee, with a snowflake drawn in the foam (coffee/latte)
glinda ([personal profile] glinda) wrote2025-11-27 08:04 pm

A Fable of Summertime...

Sometime this summer, I rediscovered my fic writing muse. Which has been great, but has unfortunately also meant that I’ve fallen quite behind on writing up my monthly albums - I have several months of backlog! Fortunately, I have still actually been listening to the albums and noting them down, so I’ve been able to look back at my list and write them up.

First up, we’re all the way back to the summer, for my August album, which was Fable by Ainsley Hamil. (I really thought I’d at least started this post, I definitely remember sitting down in the days after the gig with the album on and the intent to write about it. I suspect I probably started writing it into the ‘create entries’ page and lost the draft.) I mostly know Ainsley Hamil as a Gaelic singer - competed for the Gold Medal at the Mod a couple of time - and this album is split pretty evenly between songs in Gaelic and English, with a Burns number thrown in for good measure. Personally I think if we’re talking traditional Gaelic modes, she’s better suited to puirt-a-beul than the strictures of the Gold Medal - I’ve seen her do puirt live and she’s very good, it’s not easy to keep up that level of articulation at that speed especially not in the middle of a gig! She has such a rich, warm singing voice, it’s a pleasure to listen to her sing, and always so tempting when the album finishes, to just stick it on again for another play through!

Unusually, I was listening to this album extensively because I was going to a gig, rather than going to the gig because I’d been listening to the album a lot. My local art centre hosts a folk music festival in a tent on it’s lawn every summer. (Not in one intense weekend but two bands per session, two sessions a night, five nights a week across two months.) Living near by and being a regular gig go-er, I go to a lot of these sessions, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone, sometimes pre-planned, others spur of the moment because I walked past and thought ‘oh they’re good’ and stayed. The Ainsley Hamil gig was planned fairly far in advance, as a friend texted me just after the programme came out and asked if I fancied it, and as I did and it was a day I was on a helpful shift, we booked it and went. As it was her idea, and I’d agreed on the basis that I remembered what I’d heard of Hamil’s latest album being good, I thought I better swat up beforehand.

(It’s a lovely album, but gosh, live really is her forte, she was such a compelling and warm presence on stage, making her music come alive. In both Gaelic and Scots, her delivery on the album is more precise and probably more technically correct, but live she was so much more natural and felt much less constrained.)
melagan: Coffee cup with Atlantis in the rising steam (Default)
melagan ([personal profile] melagan) wrote2025-11-27 11:19 am

Happy Thanksgiving!

3 turkeys in a yard

I hope the day treats you well, no matter what holiday shenanigans you are up to.

As for me, I'm keeping it simple. I'm wearing my fleece pajama pants, drinking tea, and watching all of the Night at the Museum movies.

Last year, it was all of the Indiana Jones movies and I think I'll shoot for all of the Ghostbuster Movies next year. We shall see.

I am resisting Christmas movies until December 20th. Christmas decorating started going up at Halloween, and that's just wrong.

Happy Thanksgiving!

p.s. This morning, I attempted to make cranberry sauce from scratch. It's going to be okay, much to my surprise. I made a mistake with the amount of water, put the sugar in at the wrong time, and basically boiled the crap out of it until it turned into something resembling cranberry sauce. Tastes like it should though. Must be a Thanksgiving miracle.

p.s.s. Where I live, we have high wind warnings and possible power outages looming throughout the day. So, I've charged up the laptop, the phone, my kindle, and have a power bank standing by.

It's a good day to stay inside and stay warm.
melagan: Coffee cup with Atlantis in the rising steam (Default)
melagan ([personal profile] melagan) wrote2025-11-25 07:09 pm

books read

I read a lot. Two to three books a week, plus fanfic. (I'm currently working on my SGA Santa assignments so I'm not reading quite as much fanfic right now.)

If you like sci-fi and action, I can recommend The Fold by Peter Clines and The Razor by J. Barton Mitchell.

Both are action-packed (should you be trying to write action scenes you might find it helpful) and have engaging, well-defined characters. The hero survives, which is important to me, at least.

It's damn hard to find good sci-fi. It's one of the reasons I'm thrilled (and nervous) about Stargate making a comeback after 14 frigging years.

I'm speculating that they'll do a New Teams First Experience through the gate scenario. In part because Hewlett suggested it many years ago as a screenplay, in part because Star Trek is doing Star Trek Academy, and in part because it lets all of the previous canon remain intact.

Or maybe they'll toss the spaghetti and see what sticks to the wall.

I remember my feelings with Sam Carter was sent to Atlantis. I was so nervous the writers were going to fuck it up. They didn't.

I have similar feelings about this new chapter of Stargate. *fingers crossed*
mific: (Orange mandala)
mific ([personal profile] mific) wrote2025-11-26 11:21 am

Blorbo from my crosswords!

Ok, so, I have a few basic games/apps I use on my iPad while listening to audiobooks or podfics, if I'm not doing art. This is partly as usually I seem to need another activity while listening, and partly as a way to keep my aging brain ticking over in various ways. Note that most have annoying ads which I either manage to avoid eg. by leaving the app smartly when I've solved the puzzle, or I get rid of by them paying the annual fee. These are:

Row of iPad icons, same as the apps described below.

  • Real Jigsaw - for spatial skills, pattern recognition, and as I upload art and photos I like (with a suitable level of intricacy) as the jigsaws.
  • Happy Colour - just basic colouring-in but there's a certain degree of attention and concentration needed to find all the damn little pale green bits numbered 115, etc. I like the mandalas and use a few as icons, also the silhouettes which are complex and have no lines marking colour patches, so are more of a surprise to complete.
  • Mah Jong - which bears no reaction to actual Mah Jong (I used to play that with friends and have a nice old set in a wooden box). Again, for pattern recognition.
  • Solitaire and FreeCell - I don't play them competitively or to beat prior scores, just to relax. I guess they use a number of cognitive skills.
  • Crosswords - I do one a day, for fun and to maintain and sometimes extend my vocabulary and word-finding. I make this manageable (hello, nominal dysphasia!) by using another app Wordplays that suggests answers to clues, plus internet searches for definitions, Rhymezone.com for synonyms, and gMaps for place names.
One thing with the crossword app (these are basic crosswords, not cryptics which I've never been able to do) is that you get used to the crossword maker's habits and favourite words. They like short 3-letter ones to fill in gaps, and one I've had to learn is "ani", for the clue "cuckoo".

And today, on tumblr, there she is! Ani from my crosswords!

Stocky black bird with a heavy bill, perched in a leafy tree.

What are your favourite things like this, to relax and pass the time? I should mention that I don't play any of the major games out there. I got into a Civilisation-like worldbuilding one for a while back in my thirties and became obsessed with it until it consumed a lot of my time. I've been kind of nervous about trying any since, even though I'm sure I'd love a lot of the visuals. Plus I have no interest in adding more layers of tech complexity to my life, like a high-powered gaming computer.

smilebackwards: john with left yellow stripe (Default)
smilebackwards ([personal profile] smilebackwards) wrote2025-11-24 09:38 pm
Entry tags:

you have failed this city

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. Adventures in the Scottish Highlands.

Queen Demon by Martha Wells. Always love Martha Wells' emotionally repressed protagonist voice. Is it wrong that my favorite part of this was the feral, claw-hooved omnivorous Arike horses? <3

In TV, I re-watched Arrow (season 1) and yes it is a silly show but I do really enjoy season 1 where Oliver is just going around shooting people with arrows and we get the Slade and Oliver relationship before everything goes fully insane. I watched the show for them and then season 2 betrayed me so bad! Literally considering a sequel to my now 8-year-old season 1 AU fic where everyone lives and stays friends. Also, shout out to Chris GM51 who collected the flashback scenes into a YouTube playlist so I can just watch the backstory.
mific: (A rainbow)
mific ([personal profile] mific) wrote2025-11-25 10:51 am
Entry tags:

xkcd excels


The latest xkcd made me cry (in a good way). For some reason it was the Northern lights pic that did it.